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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Why Would ANYONE assume that anyone they REALLY do not know is Hateful?

Why would anyone ASSUME that a person who disagrees strongly with their political and social  opinion must be a dreadful and loathsome human being?

Polite and Likely Illegally Living in The US of A!!!!

 A short while ago, I was offered a seat on a bus by a young Hispanic Man. There is a very strong and growing presense of illegal individuals , largely from Central America, residing and working in the Greater Washington DC area.

 Many of them work very hard and are, no doubts, doing jobs that American CITIZENS and some who are here from other lands LEGALLY, might well refuse to do! I know that a number of these people are individually kind and respectful.

 Yet, Illegal is to me also immoral. The laws need to be, at all levels, enforced. Those who violate them, are committing crines and, ipso so locuator, ARE!!! CRIMINALS. I truly believe that , " Todos illegales son Criminales" - All Illegals ARE! Criminals!

Some people take a very hostile and miltant attitude toward such folks, They say, " we neede to reject them, provide them with nothing, do nothing to be supportive of them in ANY WAY, Shape or Firm!"" All that individuals believe that it is pproper for them to recieve from us is that they know, beyond any doubt,  that, " it is wrong for you to be here. I do not want to have to deal; with you in any way. All I want from you is to leave, leave now and for you to NOT be present in THE US until you are here properly and legally!"

 There ia somewhat of a valid point, Yet, Do even proven lawbreakers and criminals deserve, without any question or hesitation, to be treated as BASURA! For Those who speak no Spanish, Basura translates best as " garbage or refuse" in Our English Language!

Yikes and Oh, No!!!!! There are T!W!)! more long weekends ahead!!!

 I am 56 and I am very much, not to my liking at all, unmarried and far too extemely single and unattached.  Memorial Day 2011 was just, as I expereinced it a rather tepid and, is there any way that I can make this day go away, endurance contest.

 Both my parents are now dead for over a a decade. The child abuse that I endured played a significant factor in my being very estranged from them for years! My youngest sister berates me for weither lying about it or making it a LOT worse than it was. That has kept us agreeing to passinately disagree and to be strangers connected by DNA! My middle sister, Teresa, has been severely brain damaged, due to an illness, since she was 8. She lives with and is cared for by my sister. My sister Jean has a son, Lonnie. The fact that, practically, these are names and mmories, rather than often people I'm meaningfully connected to and with is a measure of the EVILS and Cynical and Manipulative cruelty of Florence Raven Rodriguez and John Felix Rodriguez Y Cordoba living after them!

 My friendships, as I've noted  in times past, are connected to causes, activities and c ommitments. There is little sp[ontanaeity to them. I often grieve over this. Unless things are planned and scheduled, Little seems to happen outside of estanlished formality! Many of these people have familes, spouses, children and long established commitments with others. So, My weekend REALLY ended after Church on Sunday Yesterday, I shopped on foot. I slept in and listened to the radio and watched movies. I also worked on some church-related venture. The only direct contact with other human beings was far too sporartically on my 'puter and with my personal trio, Me, Myself and I! This was a day I got through with scant fondness and joy and release!

 Yuck, Not at all how I wish it to be!  If you'd told me at 26 that this would be my life at 56. I'd ask you what crime had I committed that would merit such a ghastly sentence! Not as I want it to be, However no way of escape seem readily apparent to me.

 I kno0w I can volunteer to serve the less fortuunate and that is a valorous and noble thought, most certainly. However, Is it possible to have a July 4th or A Christmas Day as a day of frolic, greatly fun interactionsd, frolic and carefreeness? To me, 05/ 30/ 11 was the total opposite of that in ANY way you can imagine!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Rare Johnny !

Unique, Rare and Special, This seems to be moi. Some may well consider being such as being a benefit and a blessing. Those "such" may indeed be right. I tend to see it as a frustration and something that seems to be too complicated to cope well with!

 I have been told, as I now look at it, through out my life that I am unusual and difficult to understand. Some used the words " odd"  and "weird" to analyze how they saw me! I now view the severe and vile child abuse that was imposed upon me as being my parents way to break the will and shatter the personality of a child they just ABSOLUTELY were not able to comprehend. I seemed to be someone who could not be their child because I seemed nothing like them- someone so OTHER to them that I could not possibly be their child.Somehow, In their uncomprehending warpedness, I was willfully obnoxious and defiant to their authority simply for ever trying, at ANY time , to simply be who I was!

  I was told that " people just don't think the way you do", " You ask far too many questions. That is not good, At some point you need, to be respectful, stop thinking and just be silent. No one cares about what you think." This was true of BOTH my parents and my elementary school teachers. When I was foolish enough to share what I was thinking with my classmates and neighborhood kids, I set myself to be physically bullied and ceaselessly tormented.

 As an adult , E=Harmony told me that " I will be a very difficult challenge- It will be difficult for them to find a match for me!" I was told that My intuitiveness was off the scale.I took this as a part of a vocational program and was told by the analyst of my results that" My results are normally seen in women and gay men and rarely in heterosexual males.' This heterosexual male did NOT know how to respond to this-LOL! A Spiritual Gifts Profile that I recently took indicates that my blend of gifts is most unusual. My Mental Health Therapist has told me that my intelligence, writing and speaking abilities can make me very daunting to work with. I guess I should apologize for that

  During my 20 plus years in Toastmasters, I've often been told that my abilities as an Impromptu Speaker and as a evaluator of other speakers often astounds and amazes people. I'm often told that by parents that their children often tell them, "Johnny is so different, I haven't met an adult like him."- This is said with grins on their faces. At a school that I often served as a Substitute Teacher< I was told by a number of students that " I was their favorite teacher". This fact has amazed other teachers.

 I do often feel that this explains, in part, my isolation and severe struggle to connect! Do I seek out people who will find my su generisness appealing , alluring and desirable? Or, Do I decide to dilute and mute myself, "tone myself wayyyyyyyy down" and do what ever is need to blend in. These debates do OFTEN keep me up late and night and easily disrupt my efforts to sleep!

When moved to tears and uncertain of where to go next...

My Pastor moved me to tears today. He spoke of fathers who are never there when they are most sought for and seem to be most unable and/ or unwilling to affirm their sons and daughters! The kind of men who will tell a child who unworthy they are to be their child. This , sadly is a sharp description of how my dad was on a reliable basis!

 He also said that there were people in all parts and times of our lives who we are certain will be allies, supportive of our intentions, plans and dreams who simply will disappoint us. He said, conversely, that there will be people who will surprise us by how supportive of us they are when we have no reason to believe that they will be.

 I feel a bit overwhelmed by being haunted by the past and uncertain of where to tread next on this late Sunday afternoon!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Lifting yourself up to be of better service!

 Long holiday weekends can be daunting and ruffling and besettingly sad if it seems like your company for the opening of a Fun Season like Summer if your prime company is me, myself and I. If your conversations are most likely to be among those 3 and no other!

 Prayer brings in more and touches lives and moves the hand of God! It touches people whether you have any "real" contact with others or not!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Coupon Mavens- Convince Me.

 I love books, comic books and electronic gaming! Are their coupons that I may want to look for  to help fund these fun outlets of mine?

A Great Movie Start to The Summer!

 I saw Thor today! Great mixture of fun, adventure, thought provoking ideas and true MARVEL- no pun intended!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Looking for a More Satisfying Role

I, as I have admitted before, live on SSI and SSDI. The last time I worked in a full time basis was in the spring of 2003.I was homeless for a while in late 2003 and in early 2004. I now live in subsidized housing provided by a program entiltled Pathway Homes.

 I am now beginning to seek to explore possible ways of escape, of living a life more satisfactorily sustainable. The main initiative is that I am now in the midst of is tutoring.I have been tutoring a 10 year old boy every Monday for an hour and a half. His mom tells me that I am restoring his confidence, something that she believes that his 4th Grade year has damaged.

I am still in a position where the hard landing in my " fall off the horse" STILL seems so jarring and painful that I still don't want to get back on the horse. Yet, I feel like I'm only visiting  my life. I , perhaps, need to get involved in some meaningful activities in Toastmasters which will help people see how compelling desirable Toastmasters is to be involved in! My Church also seems a place to establish my efforts as being productive and meaningful as I invest in both the programs and people connected to my church.

 That fall STILL seems to be far too painful, getting back on to ride still seems very scary!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Lord, Help me to accept that...

Change needs to not only be hoped for but planned for and worked for. Planning well and working to build a dream can be great adventures in and of themselves! The path to change is worth pursuing! Please learn the truth of this. Seeing this clearly is a potent weapon as you battle to successfully challenge your anxiety and depression, Johnny!

The Great Debate- Can ALL subjects be fully considered, analyzed ...

discussed, examined and properly and throughly discoursed upon here in The US of A  in The late Spring of 2011?

 We know that there are certain issues that are politically considered " Third Rail issues". Anyone who brings them up and expresses an UNPOPULAR opinion on those issues is likely to be severly damaged  and crippled in terms of their ability to be seen ever again as likeable, able to be thought well of and acceptable. Expressing some opinions seem to set one up to be readily dismissed and scorned. These are the opinions that can destroy reputations and tar and stain those who express them.- unless you berate them and declare that they are anathema and need to be totally and fully dismissed as being FULLY unworthy of being supported!

 Yet, My College Debate Professor, Dr. Mike Wallinger, believed that the BEST and MOST Talented debate could discuss anything fully and excellently. The best debaters SHOULD, he believed, be able to express even the most "seemingly dismissable" opinions fully, properly and fairly!

 An Old Toastmaster Mentor of Mine, Art Kelly believed that the best speakers, debaters, analyzer and advocates could discuss anything fully and do so in a way that would STILL allow him or her to 'Win friends and influence people".

Do you believe that Mike Wallinger and Art Kelly are correct on this matter?

My New Digs

My new place is a great improvement over my old one! It has a walk in closet. It has a larger living room. My apartment is in much better repair and the maintainence staff of the new complex seems to be much more able and professional. Over all, I'm greatly enjoying living here!


   However, My sapartment is off a parking lot, so it is a tad noisier and this creates problems with my being able to sleep well- but it is still a gain over where I was living a month ago!

Filling in Your Blanks - A way to instantly let people know more fully who you are!!!

 I recently heard of  away to let people know MORE FULLY and precisely who you arem what you do well and what you particularly enjoy! This was described to me as a way to build self-confidence and poise.It can be used as a form of marketing. perhaps as an icebreaker to help someone to get to know you or perhaps a way to simply get people, for many possible reasons, fascinated enough to want to continue to converse with you and learn more about.

  You might bring up something that you do well that seems to be something that most people rarely do well. You might bring up a hobby of yours that you are passionate about. You might bring up an interest that really catches your fancy that you know, or have been reliably told, that this other person passionately embraces as well. If you are job hunting and you are asking your friends, associates and contacts to "spread the word", Placing out this interest or fascination of yours just MIGHT make someone interested enough to place you at or near the top of the list of people that a hiring person would seek to contact.

 This could also be employed as a technique to overcome reticence or shyness struggles! I can also see this as helping someone to favorably impress someone that he or she really want to ask on a date!

This exercise was called " Filling in Your Blanks" quickly, cleverly and strategically planting a quick, sharp, pleasing  and memorable "snapshot" of yourself  in someones mind

PanGrata

One of the more fascinating stories from ancient days is the story of Pandora's Box. This is the box that contained all disease. disaster, crime. lies, slander, gossips and so forth. When a curious young woman opened that box, Then all of these maladies and factors of corruption and negativity were released upon the world.

 Throughout this month of May, I've been attending and participating in a class that has a three-fold process - Learning what my spiritual gifts are, learning how I can use those gifts to best improve my life and the lives of those I encounter and , finally, discovering how those gifts can be best used to serve, honor and be used in worshiping God!

So, I have been focusing on seeing what works best in my life. Looking into how I am an asset and how I enrich the lives of others.

 I call this process Pangrata. Grata is the Latin Word best used to translate the English word " Grace". I'm finding that this church study is showing me of all of the grace and blessings within me and how everyone gains when I open up and am willing to release the spiritual gifts invested within me to positively affect all of those who I am regularly around and those, of course that I am yet to embrace and have not yet met or gotten to know!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Numbers and Words.

 I am most loquacious. I've been known to be willing to talk about many things for long periods of time. That may explain why I was a collegiate debater and why I've been an effective toastmaster for over 20 years now.

 I also am now beginning to realize that I have had a life-long fascination with science especially Physics and Astronomy,  The only reason that I've never indulged those interests as I might have is that I struggle with math. My dad was inclined to insult me and even assault me when I did not do well in math. He would actually employ corporal punishment against me when I got math problems wrong, That soured me against one of my first loves.

 I love logical and precise and tightly researched and grandly logical arguments, Yet, Words will never be as precise and as exact as number are! Sighhhhhhhhhh!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Living inside Myself

 It is hard to see the world with any effectiveness and insight when you are using nothing but yourself as the standard, measure and analysis standard!

Lord, Please free me from my far too strong myopia!

Drowning in the Unwanted and Entangling Minutae

  I really get hyper-anxious when it seems that a hunderd e-mail that I really should answer seem to get in the way of e-mails that I really WANT to send to people who I earnestly want to get into contact with- people who I want to net work with, support or wish to more throughly befriend!

  I find ,of late, I'm avoiding getting on line because, it seems to me that I'm responding to nuisance or maintenance messages rather than initiating contcats that can make my pleasant richer and more desirable and set into place a future that I can yearn for and become enthused about!

 Any good advice as to how you free yourself from such a circumstance and avoid falling into such chasms in times yet to arrive!?!?

- Johnny -

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Pushing Through

 Some days are days of soreness and trial, days that you just need to push or drag yourself through! There is a sense of victory when you get through those days with a positive spirit, having accomplished good and beneficial things for you and others along the way!

An Amazing Hero

 We often glibly speak and write about, "How vital it is to live for and live out youe dreams and Bring your visions to life"! I've been a Toastmasters member for OVER 20 years and I have had to learn to NOT roll my eyes when I herar 10 or more such speeches in any given month.

 I recently awa , though, the glorious excitement at seeing a young person doggedly and passionately folliow a high-risk, bold and motivating dream/ vision. A large Christian Music Festival was held in The Bull Run Park Special Events Center in the further out suburbs of Washington DC this past Saturday, May 14th.

Washington DC is not considered at ALL TO BE a Contemporary Chrisrian Music Hotbed. A lot of Christian Teens are prone to bemoan the fact of how farrrrrr they need to travel to hear their favorite music played by their favorite bands. One of those Young people in my Pastor's 17 year son, Jonathan Lee Slye.

Last Summer , Jonathan spoke to  Brian " Head" welch, formerly of the Group Korn about his desire to have an all day Chrisrian Rock Concert and Festival occur near Washington. Welch bought into Jonathan's vision immediately and agreed that if such a festival occured that he's be eager to perform there at a majorly disccounted price.

 This launched Jonathan. He booked The Bull Run Special Events Center. He negotiated with agents. He started a really impressive website.He got early support from his family, who did remind him that this would be a major undertaking that he would need to doggedly commit himself to!

He did just that. With The support of his family and the church and an impressive networking effort, He raised the 70,000 dollars that he needed to pull off for the concert/ festival. His headliners included Brian Welch, POD and Emery! I get the strong feeling that there WILL be a Second Spring JamFest in May of 2012!

Jonathan amazed everyone. Suring the second service at Arlington, Virginia's Grace Community Church, Jonathan was accorded a Standing Ovation by the congreagation. Brian Welch shared his testimony duting both services this PAST SUNDAY!

I considere Jonathan to be an inspiration and a true hero. Living out your dreams at 17- Life can truly be amazing and tremendous!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

What I mean when I thank someone for serving the USA.

 I, as do many Americans, often thank military personnel and first responders for their services to our Nation. I know that can become a tedious habit and  for some, those words have merely become just simply words that they recite, words that have been said SO often that they become devoid of meaning and significance.

 When I say it I acknowledge how val;uable and precious the freedoms that all Americans enjoy and revel in are! I know that those frredoms are safeguarded by vigilant men and women. I also know that there are those who wish to make us afraid to use those freedoms. I know that our fighting forces and our first responders are dedicated to allowing us to be free men and women in the strongest possible sense of those words and notions! I also know that they are committed to our safetyu and not only our survival but our thriving as as a people and as individual American Citizens well.

 I am so grateful that they asre willing to bear that burden and this is what I am thanking them for when I thank them for " Their Service To OUR Country!!!"

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Blog Entry # 366 - A Year's worth of Blogging now achieved!!!!

 This is my 366th blog entry on this site!!! This means, even by leap year's standards. I now have a year's worth of entries on this blog!!!! YES!!!!!

 I really feel a sense of being revitalized, powerfully refocused and thriving on a " new birth of freedom" on this May 11Th. I moved to a much better apartment, much more comfortable, desirable and far better maintained apartment on the 29Th of April. I am preparing to go to Mexico to help , as a part of a team, to build a school cafeteria and to minister to the children and adults of The El Florida Colonias , located high above the City of Tecate, Mexico. I will be serving as a member of an 18 person team representing The Grace Community Church of Arlington, Va.

 I was a teacher working in Private and Public Schools as well as serving as an instructor in a Home Schooled Cooperative from 1983 to early 2001. Not dealing with my past and deciding to avoid difficult and painful issues from my past led me towards a nervous breakdown that I finally succumbed to in August of 2003.

God has been gracious and has directed me as I've worked to rebuild and reorient my life. I feared, however, that my time as a teacher had come to an end. I tutored briefly in 2006 and enjoyed that- but came to see that as a "Last Hurrah". However, I am now once again tutoring  . This is a longer term assignment and I'm getting to lesson plan for this assignment. I am most excited and feeling very renewed !

 I am also down to my last 6 weeks serving as a Toastmaster Division Governor, I've learned a lot about creating a vision , motivating others to step forward and working to support individual Toastmaster members. I have struggled at times to do well in this position, but I see great hopes for a confident and positive finish to my term.

Life is not perfect but it is inviting and a great " Field Of Dreams" for me to play upon as I type this!!!

A Crucial Word

Lebron James was frustrated after a recent play -off game where he did not play especially well. He found one of the questions that a reporter asked him to be particularly irksome and off-putting. James referred to The Question as being "ret**ded"

 The ARC , a nationwide Mental Health Advocacy and Support Organization, found the use of the word " re***ded" to be egregiously offensive and strongly challenged and chided Lebron James for choosing to use that word.

 Mr. James, for his part, apologized for his use of that word. One commentator , in Lebron's defense, said that Lebron did NOT say that any person was ret**ded, but he referred to the QUESTION  that was posed to him as being ret**ded !

Is Lebron's defender splitting hairs, or Does he or she have a valid point ?

The TIPping Point

 Albert Haynesworth, the bete noire of The Washington Redskins, seems to be involved in an interesting situation. He has been accused of attacking and sexually harassing a waitress.

 Over the last few days, A counter- narrative has developed. It seems that the waitress was not complaining about the attention that she got from Haynesworth until after she saw the tip she was left. She deemed the tip , according to these reports, to be too meager. At that point, she levelled charges of sexual harassment and assault upon Mister Haynesworth.

 If the actions of Mister Haynesworth ONLY became offensive to the waitress AFTER the waitress saw the tip she was left, Does that, then, negate or call into question her ability to accuse Albert Haynesworth of treating her improperly?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Patience

Is being 56 a reason to demand that my life change and improve at a much more rapid rate? I think I already know the answer but it is one that I wish I could instantly make otherwise!

The Indignation of The Terrapin Fans - " You hired WHO??? Is that Really the Best!! you could do?"

Since The University Of  Maryland's Division One  Men's Basketball team won the Annual Then 64 Team Tournament in 2002, Things have not gone well at College Park, Maryland  In the Last Decade, The Terrapins  played in two Final Fours, defeated The University of Indiana Hoosiers and won the the Elite ACC Tournament.

 Since The 2002 Championship, The Terrapins have struggled . They have registered one trip to the Sweet 16. In Four of The Last & years, They were not selected to go to The Tournament. In the Season that ended last month, They were not even invited to the National Invitational Tournament ( The NIT). Terrapin fans have often complained over the last few years that their Coach, Gary Williams ,recruits very poorly.

Late Last week, Gary Williams announced that he was resigning after 22 years as the team's head coach Many Terrapin fans were both shocked and chagrined. They did not expect Gary Williams to retire NOW and he retired at an awkward time, one that would make replacing  him MORE difficult.

Gary Williams is in The National Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Massachusetts. He is a National Championship Coach. It is clear that a number of Terrapin Basketball boosters wanted someone similiar to Williams as his replacement. They wanted a high profile, well-regarded and intensely sought after coach.

 The President of Maryland and Kevin Anderson, The School's Athletic Director, then went to work to satisfy their most finicky supporters. Since last Thursday, A number of high profile and big name coaches were contacted, Over the last 5 days,12 coaches have said "NO" to The Terrapins, including Sean Miller, Mike Bray, Jay Wright,Jamie Dixon and Brad Stephens.

 Finally One Coach said, " Yes", The Coach of Texas A &M, Mark Turgeon. ESPN recently wrote the following about Coach Turgeon, " Classy, reserved and solid , the kind who speaks softly and lets his coaching talk for him.. He is fundamental and solid." , some Terrapin fans seem most underwhelmed by this hire. He's not someone to intimidate Coach K. He is not one who seems likely, anytime in the near future, to lead the team to an elite status among Division One Men's Basketball Program!

 So, Is the hiring an act of Administrative under performance ? Do the Maryland Basketball Fans need to become MORE realistic?

 - Johnny -

Moms and Military

This Past Sunday, May 8th, was Mother's Day here in the USA! It is also a day in a month where we remember the past sacrifices of those who have sacrificed on our behalf as members of the US Military!

 Great Moms and The Most Outstanding Military Leaders have many things in common! They set examples that we can follow- the examples they set before us are ones of excellence, dedication and noble and beneficial purpose. They show us that celebrating the idea of delayed gratification and striving to be our best constantly are ideas of vital merit. We also are shown that sharing, and caring- knowing that others absolutely matter and are worth supporting and investing in!

 The best military leaders and mothers also are committed to teaching that the path of selfishness is one that isolates and diminishes the one who decides to follow it. Teamwork and being a teammate because you desire to be a teammate will build a child or a new military member into someone with a strong conscience and a large heart.

Great Military Leaders and Great Mothers devote themselves to training their babies and new recruits with skill and passion! They are committed to turning that baby or new military member EVENTUALLY, on a moment by moment and  day by day basis into a leader that others will eagerly desire to follow!

 - Johnny -

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Some Fascinating Confluences on May First

 The Night of 05/01/2011 will be known next year as well as 684 years from now, as the night we learned of the Death of Usama Bin Laden. I discovered this news while I was listening to WMAL Radio- 630 AM- broadcasting in the GREATER Washington DC Area.

  The program that I was listening to is a favorite of mine- The John Bachelor Show. John was broadcasting from Krakow, Poland, covering march of remembrance made to honor the victims of The Nazi Death Camps such as Auschwitz, which is about an hour's drive from Krakow. Survivors take place in this march, Jewish Young People come from all over the world to take part in this march as do other young people from all over the world. This event also reminds all of our need to commit ourselves to remember that we will act to never permit such an outrage to occur again.

As this was going on the news of The Death of Mister Bin Laden was becoming common knowledge. John Bachelor was consulting a number of Israeli sources to keep us abreast of what was going on. Where he was he was cut off from other sources. He also reminded us of Bin Laden's commitment to mass murder and using the death of innocents to weaken and break Western Resistance towards his goals.

 Few Broadcasters can weave together such treads of complimentary and well-matched data seamlessly and effectively. John Bachelor is one who does so most well!