and a bit two muted and wimpy and indistinct.. I need to write more, be more passionate and be willing to express myself boldly and willing to be bold, clever and insightful again.
That's been missing for a while, but July will see its' return!
- Johnny-
Saturday, June 30, 2012
I need to trust in God
more. I guess my greatest struggle is to get that God is not required to please me.I must get beyond this petty petulance of mine!
- Johnny -
- Johnny -
Six Months Gone
March and April were exciting times. May and June More Trying. What will the next two months bring?
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Morale
I have had many people discuss the idea of acceptance living graciously with my lot in life, This has been a month of money struggles, of turning my ankle. Having a mental health program that I was getting a GREAT deal out of has placed on an indefinite hiatus earlier this month.
I am a strong teacher, a gifted speaker and story teller and and someone who wants to live up to his abilities and potential. I do accept where my life is now but it would be heinous to live like this indefibitely.
I know that feelings are not facts. Yet, I do feel very stuck and trapped right now..
- Johnny-
I am a strong teacher, a gifted speaker and story teller and and someone who wants to live up to his abilities and potential. I do accept where my life is now but it would be heinous to live like this indefibitely.
I know that feelings are not facts. Yet, I do feel very stuck and trapped right now..
- Johnny-
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Pushing Through
Depression is a diagnosis. Yet, It cannot be my identity. When it becomes my identity, it becomes disabling and weakening!
I can push through it get beyond it. When I move on past it on any given day, I'm living in victory
- Johnny -
I can push through it get beyond it. When I move on past it on any given day, I'm living in victory
- Johnny -
Friday, June 15, 2012
The importance of coping with change
When a major and significant change occurs, How do we deal with it? Personally, I do think we are able to figure this out but from a societal perspective, we seem to fumble and bumble.
One way we got from the the discriminatory horrors of the 1950's to where we are now is by school desegregation. Children grew up with children not exactly like them and learned to see them as not strange and other- people to mix with and bond to and not avoid.
Yet, How do adults make a transition if changes are transpiring that they, for whatever reason see as damaging and not to their personal advantages. How do people adjust to their neighborhood transitioning?
Years ago, A Book " Future Shock" by Alvin Toffler spoke about the harms done by too rapid and overwhelming changes. I like to use the term " Time Castaways" people who are stranded outside of a time that they felt good living in. How do you best deal; with this dilemma?
- Johnny -
One way we got from the the discriminatory horrors of the 1950's to where we are now is by school desegregation. Children grew up with children not exactly like them and learned to see them as not strange and other- people to mix with and bond to and not avoid.
Yet, How do adults make a transition if changes are transpiring that they, for whatever reason see as damaging and not to their personal advantages. How do people adjust to their neighborhood transitioning?
Years ago, A Book " Future Shock" by Alvin Toffler spoke about the harms done by too rapid and overwhelming changes. I like to use the term " Time Castaways" people who are stranded outside of a time that they felt good living in. How do you best deal; with this dilemma?
- Johnny -
Thursday, June 14, 2012
The Horrors of Not My Way - Part 2.
As I reflect upon the ugly mess that I found myself thrown in the middle of at Mc Donalds. I am stuck by something I've not yet mentioned.
There was a very young and fit Woman soldier in the restaurant at that time. I'm thinking that she would view a soldier as an authority figute worthy of respect and heeding.
If this soldier had walked up to her and said, " Enough Ma'am. Please be quiet and sit down" if the serenity of a Bautiful DC Mid -Afternoon Thursday
There was a very young and fit Woman soldier in the restaurant at that time. I'm thinking that she would view a soldier as an authority figute worthy of respect and heeding.
If this soldier had walked up to her and said, " Enough Ma'am. Please be quiet and sit down" if the serenity of a Bautiful DC Mid -Afternoon Thursday
The Horrors of Not My Way!
Friends, This was set up as a day to be purposefully positive. I was honored to be asked to evaluate a speech by a Toastmaster Friend, Tamara Hamilton, She spoke at a luncheon at the National Democratic Women's Democratic Club off Dupont Circle in Washington DC.
Ms. Hamilton's stirring, eloquent and positively provocative speech was entitled From Watts to Washington. Ms. Hamilton's presentation covered personal connections to the 1955 Montgomery, Alabama Bus Boycott and The Watts Riots. Tamara's speech addressed courage, family support, people caring for and daring to act on behalf of others. It was amazing!
I then headed back to My Inner Suburb neighborhood. I stopped off at the bank and then at a Nearby Mickey D's for a small cup of coffee. A cup of coffee that I wish I had NOW decided to avoid.
I went to the rest room just before I order my coffee. As I exited that Men's Room, I was confronted by a stocky, loud and very beligerant elderly whit woman. She was waving a tick cane in the air in front of me. " There is a man with a child in the stall. Do something." It was clear to me that I might be assaulted by her if I tried to force my way past her. I also could see that there was a chance that she might be challenging a person intending to do ill to a child.
I walked closer to the stall listening for any clues- if I heard a clue , a cry for help or other aural evidence that a vile act was underway, I would have intervened.She told me to open the stall. I knew if I did that in nothing was going on that was improper, I might be in a critically nasty situation- as that man might take out his embarrassment on me.
I left the bathroom telling the antagonized women that I would get the manager. I talked a reluctant manager into intervening. It turns out that this was a grandfather and his very young granddaughter. This woman then loudly berated the grandfather ordering the little girl to get away from him.The irate woman accused the manager with aiding a criminal act. She spent another few minutes demanding that the police be called in to deal with this matter while still down dressing, without mercy or pause, the grandfather. After awhile, The manager walked away and did not call the police. I suspect if the police had come the woman would have been STERNLY TOLD that she must not create a disturbance and potentially start a riot at any time in the future.
At one point, She disengaged with him and told a multi-ethic throng- Asian, Hispanic, Black and Muslim that they were disgusting and dreadful to live among and deal with I was reminded of a bus ride I had less than a week ago. An elderly man loudly declared that no one wearing any type of headcovering should EVER be allowed to ride a bus and that he, over the last few years, had decided to not allow any " Arab" doctors or nurses to treat him. I call such people " Time Castaways"- They are not able to deal with things as they are are today. They feel furious, victimized and often enraged about this and can become menacing and respond with verbal and/ or physical violence when they see behavior or people they are totally displeased with and by.
This was very much true of my boyhood neighborhood in the Bronx. I saw a lot of ugly arguments and acting out when people felt that they were needing to live with people that they, for what ever reason, found intolerable to be in close proximity to.
My own father said that " Rich Jews enjoyed bringing misery to poor people- especially to anyone who wasn't white." My mother loved to berate and insult publicaly anyone not being able to trace their ancestry to Northern Europe. My child abuse became far more intense and dangerous when my parents fely " put upon" by those they loathed. Being trapped and threatened by this hate -monger today was what I did not need today!
I've truly related that the inner suburbs of DC are distubing like the inner city in myriad way. The simmering resentments and feuds included. Having an out of control woman giving me orders and using a stick to attempt to enforce compliant makes memories of being 5 re-appear in my head.
I do hope, I can't do so now, I will eventually live somewhere where these encounters are EXTREMELY rare!
- Johnny -
Ms. Hamilton's stirring, eloquent and positively provocative speech was entitled From Watts to Washington. Ms. Hamilton's presentation covered personal connections to the 1955 Montgomery, Alabama Bus Boycott and The Watts Riots. Tamara's speech addressed courage, family support, people caring for and daring to act on behalf of others. It was amazing!
I then headed back to My Inner Suburb neighborhood. I stopped off at the bank and then at a Nearby Mickey D's for a small cup of coffee. A cup of coffee that I wish I had NOW decided to avoid.
I went to the rest room just before I order my coffee. As I exited that Men's Room, I was confronted by a stocky, loud and very beligerant elderly whit woman. She was waving a tick cane in the air in front of me. " There is a man with a child in the stall. Do something." It was clear to me that I might be assaulted by her if I tried to force my way past her. I also could see that there was a chance that she might be challenging a person intending to do ill to a child.
I walked closer to the stall listening for any clues- if I heard a clue , a cry for help or other aural evidence that a vile act was underway, I would have intervened.She told me to open the stall. I knew if I did that in nothing was going on that was improper, I might be in a critically nasty situation- as that man might take out his embarrassment on me.
I left the bathroom telling the antagonized women that I would get the manager. I talked a reluctant manager into intervening. It turns out that this was a grandfather and his very young granddaughter. This woman then loudly berated the grandfather ordering the little girl to get away from him.The irate woman accused the manager with aiding a criminal act. She spent another few minutes demanding that the police be called in to deal with this matter while still down dressing, without mercy or pause, the grandfather. After awhile, The manager walked away and did not call the police. I suspect if the police had come the woman would have been STERNLY TOLD that she must not create a disturbance and potentially start a riot at any time in the future.
At one point, She disengaged with him and told a multi-ethic throng- Asian, Hispanic, Black and Muslim that they were disgusting and dreadful to live among and deal with I was reminded of a bus ride I had less than a week ago. An elderly man loudly declared that no one wearing any type of headcovering should EVER be allowed to ride a bus and that he, over the last few years, had decided to not allow any " Arab" doctors or nurses to treat him. I call such people " Time Castaways"- They are not able to deal with things as they are are today. They feel furious, victimized and often enraged about this and can become menacing and respond with verbal and/ or physical violence when they see behavior or people they are totally displeased with and by.
This was very much true of my boyhood neighborhood in the Bronx. I saw a lot of ugly arguments and acting out when people felt that they were needing to live with people that they, for what ever reason, found intolerable to be in close proximity to.
My own father said that " Rich Jews enjoyed bringing misery to poor people- especially to anyone who wasn't white." My mother loved to berate and insult publicaly anyone not being able to trace their ancestry to Northern Europe. My child abuse became far more intense and dangerous when my parents fely " put upon" by those they loathed. Being trapped and threatened by this hate -monger today was what I did not need today!
I've truly related that the inner suburbs of DC are distubing like the inner city in myriad way. The simmering resentments and feuds included. Having an out of control woman giving me orders and using a stick to attempt to enforce compliant makes memories of being 5 re-appear in my head.
I do hope, I can't do so now, I will eventually live somewhere where these encounters are EXTREMELY rare!
- Johnny -
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
I know that I must be patient
I gain little when I try to free myself hurriedly from where I am now. Present unpleasantness does not mean that I must have immediate release. That could makes matters SO much worse!
- Johnny-
- Johnny-
My TWO Sunday Marathon
My Childhood was the stuff of nightmares- as many of you might already know. My father was a brutal tyrant. Someone willing to beat those who didn't please him and adore/ worship him.
I am now heading for a TWO Sunday Marathon- June 17 is Father's Day. June 24TH is his birthday.
I thought I was handling it well until I listened to Starship's Song " Sara". That song nearly brought me to convulsive crying. IfI'd shed one tear, I would have lost the rest of this Wednesday to a strngling, depressive morass.
I'm trying to stay busy but It is not all of the answer. I'm very lonely. The Song Sara is about a boy who had his mother abandon him and now has just had a girl friend abandon him.
I long to not be alone- to have the DREAM her show up. Not likely to have that happen- I really know that would make a rough period nightmarish- especially were that relationship to crash in flames.
My parents were anything but loving- I long to be loved and appreciated today- Oh Well, You can't always get what you want! - LOL!!!!!!
- Johnny -
I am now heading for a TWO Sunday Marathon- June 17 is Father's Day. June 24TH is his birthday.
I thought I was handling it well until I listened to Starship's Song " Sara". That song nearly brought me to convulsive crying. IfI'd shed one tear, I would have lost the rest of this Wednesday to a strngling, depressive morass.
I'm trying to stay busy but It is not all of the answer. I'm very lonely. The Song Sara is about a boy who had his mother abandon him and now has just had a girl friend abandon him.
I long to not be alone- to have the DREAM her show up. Not likely to have that happen- I really know that would make a rough period nightmarish- especially were that relationship to crash in flames.
My parents were anything but loving- I long to be loved and appreciated today- Oh Well, You can't always get what you want! - LOL!!!!!!
- Johnny -
Monday, June 11, 2012
Mondays and Progress
are not always a good team for me. I often try to hang on to Sunday to the detriment of Monday!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Sabotage!
Did I mentally short-circuit myself this morning ? Did I make myself sick of stomach today! This does scare me a good bit!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
When you decide to bathe yorself in light and hope.
You are declaring that you want to be known and understood! That you wish to be pure, plain, honest and vulnerable.
It is harder for you to be soul, spirit and mentally crushed and defeated when you are bathing yourself in the light.
It is harder for you to be soul, spirit and mentally crushed and defeated when you are bathing yourself in the light.
Lord, Teach me how to be content with what I now have...
Even though I yearn for so much m,ore as well as making myself so much more than I appear to be as I am typing this!
- Johnny-
- Johnny-
Lord, Let me gain a glimpse today...
of your will and good pleasure for me. I know that, at some level, You minister to me individually!
A searching mind and a thriving heart and soul...
are always on search, seek, discover and analyze mode!
Robert Young Pelton and I
I just became a member of his Come Back Alive Site. He is The Author of the World's Most Dangerous Place Book Series.
- Johnny-
- Johnny-
Monday, June 4, 2012
I STILL Can Fly!
I can still " Believe that I can Fly" in the moments when I'm struggling with sluggishness!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Your Righteousness....
is better than life! If I will think this way and live this way, I will get answers to my struggles with singleness, loneliness and disconnectedness!
The Keys ro becoming more motivated!
Keep moving, no matter what. Keep believing no matter how many reasons you have to doubt. Seek the future as you mobe beyond the past.
These are all measures I wish to practice during this first FULL WEEK of June!
- Johnny -
These are all measures I wish to practice during this first FULL WEEK of June!
- Johnny -
A Slow Sunday
I must remember that investing quality and sustance into my days is my responsibility!
Saturday, June 2, 2012
A Need for A New and Empowering Course!
Lord , Free me to be more proactive than regretful- more willing to act rather than react,. More willing to live in courage than to sulk in fear!
- Johnny-
- Johnny-
How important is it for our potential and accomplishment come close to equaling each other?
A man who was a Washington Sports Radio Fixture for years, Ken Beatrice, used to quote the following saying often " A man's potential is his heaviest burden."
Most of us are aware of what we are able to accomplish, We know what we are capable, all things being equal of, achieving!
Yet, Most of us regret and resent the difference between what we are capable of and what we actually accomplish!
I know that what I truly WANT for myself is that my potential equals what I accomplish!
- Johnny -
Most of us are aware of what we are able to accomplish, We know what we are capable, all things being equal of, achieving!
Yet, Most of us regret and resent the difference between what we are capable of and what we actually accomplish!
I know that what I truly WANT for myself is that my potential equals what I accomplish!
- Johnny -
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