I am 56 and I am very much, not to my liking at all, unmarried and far too extemely single and unattached. Memorial Day 2011 was just, as I expereinced it a rather tepid and, is there any way that I can make this day go away, endurance contest.
Both my parents are now dead for over a a decade. The child abuse that I endured played a significant factor in my being very estranged from them for years! My youngest sister berates me for weither lying about it or making it a LOT worse than it was. That has kept us agreeing to passinately disagree and to be strangers connected by DNA! My middle sister, Teresa, has been severely brain damaged, due to an illness, since she was 8. She lives with and is cared for by my sister. My sister Jean has a son, Lonnie. The fact that, practically, these are names and mmories, rather than often people I'm meaningfully connected to and with is a measure of the EVILS and Cynical and Manipulative cruelty of Florence Raven Rodriguez and John Felix Rodriguez Y Cordoba living after them!
My friendships, as I've noted in times past, are connected to causes, activities and c ommitments. There is little sp[ontanaeity to them. I often grieve over this. Unless things are planned and scheduled, Little seems to happen outside of estanlished formality! Many of these people have familes, spouses, children and long established commitments with others. So, My weekend REALLY ended after Church on Sunday Yesterday, I shopped on foot. I slept in and listened to the radio and watched movies. I also worked on some church-related venture. The only direct contact with other human beings was far too sporartically on my 'puter and with my personal trio, Me, Myself and I! This was a day I got through with scant fondness and joy and release!
Yuck, Not at all how I wish it to be! If you'd told me at 26 that this would be my life at 56. I'd ask you what crime had I committed that would merit such a ghastly sentence! Not as I want it to be, However no way of escape seem readily apparent to me.
I kno0w I can volunteer to serve the less fortuunate and that is a valorous and noble thought, most certainly. However, Is it possible to have a July 4th or A Christmas Day as a day of frolic, greatly fun interactionsd, frolic and carefreeness? To me, 05/ 30/ 11 was the total opposite of that in ANY way you can imagine!
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