I have always been a dreamer and an idealist. I am, heart and soul, a romantic. I am always and perpetually a wonderer and a questioner. I ask " Why ?" constantly, I have done so my entire life. I love exploring and history, The History of anything and everything, actually
I have been a servant of Jesus Christ since October 25TH, 1972. I see Him as My Lord and Savior. I am the least of His Followers when it comes to serving Him perfectly. I am so glad to be able to be secure in the reality that I am saved by Grace and not works. My righteousness, AT BEST, is as The Filthiest Rags.
I survived child abuse, physical and emotional trauma and being raised in an Urban Crisis Zone, The South Western Bronx - Tremont Avenue, Near Fordham Road, Off The Grand Concourse and just up from Jerome Avenue. My High School often graduated students who read as well as Nine Year Olds typically do.
My dream as a boy was to be someone who would change the world- make a difference that would change , better and empower numerous lives. By the age of 8, I started thinking that HAD to mean either being a Nationally Serving Elected Official or someone who worked closely and highly influenced those elected to such positions.
I decided to become and be a Conservative and was attracted early to the idea of doing all that could be done to remove any and all obstacles and hindrances to allowing individuals to energetically and devotedly Pursue Their Happiness.
I saw my dream begin to find its' expression when I served as a writer for My High School News Paper. I had the opportunity to write a column on politics entitled The Voice of Reason.
In 1972, I had my first chance to get beyond the Southwestern Bronx. I became a First Year Student, in August of 1972, at Western Maryland's Frostburg State College- now University. I want from New York City to a College Town that THEN had a population of 6,000 people. As I understand , That population- L O L - has swelled to 10,000.
I got involved in Student Government during my 5 Years at FSC. I did some acting. I majored in Political Science and History and I started to take public speaking seriously- I was a Member Of Frostburg's Individual Events and Debate Teams. That is where I really began to see that I had a powerful gift for public speaking.
After graduating Frostburg, I nearly decided to stay there, I'd deeply fallen in love with the town. Yet, I felt a need to achieve a sense of destiny and promise- to live out my dream. So, I came to The DC Area.
I am not a typist, I still do not like nor am I really comfortable with typing. Yet, To secure a position on Capital Hill, as I desired to do, YOU HAD TO BE ABLE TO TYPE VERY WELL and make FEW mistakes as you type. I, then decided to work on Campaigns one for a Gubernatorial candidate and another for a Congressional Candidate- both candidates were resoundingly defeated so by November of 1980, My " career" in Politics had come to an end.
This is just MY opinion but there are certain cities which are Dream Magnets- DC For Politics, New York For Finances and Acting. Los Angeles For Acting , Nashville For Country Music and New Orleans for Jazz to name a few. If your heart and soul 's desire and yearning is to LIVE THE DREAM, Those can be very difficult cities to reside in if you know/ once you know that, in terms of DREAM FULFILLMENT , that you cannot and will not MAKE IT THERE!
I worked as a restaurant busboy, as a Church maintenance woker several times, as A Teacher Full Time In Private Schools, as a Substitute In Fairfax and Arlington County, VA. I've been a daily employee at a 12 Step Recovery Club and a co-ordinator for A Home School Co-Operative In Gaithersburg, Maryland.
I've worked at a Seven - Eleven like store in The Navy Annex , starting that job 2 months after 9/11. I became , bluntly, a jobs vagabond in the years after 1980.
I see, now, that Washington began to chafe and become more and more, over time in the years after 1980. I did have some good times in parts of those years but I never really got over the Dream that would never be.
I also discovered that I'd been very traumatized by my upbringing and that choosing to run at full speed from it and when I had to deal with it, chose to blame others- after all, It was as a Result of " What Was Done To Me" This was a foolish and self-sabotaging choice, a recipe that had to produce disaster- which over time- it did.
It took a while to wreak comprehensive ruin upon my life. This came about in The Summer of 2003. Over time, I became increasingly self-negating and caustic. I became a social isolationist and was prone to become painfully moody. At one point, I spent 7 years living miserably and unhappily in a cubby hole sized room. I was nearly beaten to death on a Falls Church Street during this 7 year interval.
During the Summer of 2003, I spent my money down to nothing. I had a nervous break down- yes I KNOW that I should type "Psychotic Episode" but I'm very uncomfortable with that term. And Spent The Late Summer, Fall and Early Winter homeless. I spent nights just wondering for miles up and down the streets from Vienna, VA to Downtown Falls Church City.
In March of 2004, I became a Client of The Fairfax County Mental Health System and have lived in various subsidized hosing since then. The last 6 years, I've had my housing provided through Pathways Homes and have been blessed, in many ways, to have this !
I will say that it has dawned on me that I've slowly been living a life that is more threapy centered rather than life enhancing. Therapy should enhance life. Life should NEVER be reduced to being an adjunct to therapy.
I am both scared- - very!!!!!- and Happy - -EVEN MORE VERY !!!!! to have found love in my late 50's. Amanda Lynn Asher Dudley lives in Rockcastle County, Kentucky and she is the prime reason why I am leaving The Greater DC Area . My fear is about how well and soon I will adjust well and effectively to my new life and surrounding. My exultation is that Mandy is beautiful, brilliant, gifted, artistic and soulful. It is such a continuing and increasing gift to have her in my life.
I will say that, in part, I'm also leaving because I'm beyond tired of the continually increasing coarseness, nastiness and vulgarity of the area where I reside. The Vulgar Language, The Glares, The Patent Hostility and quite visible and impossible to ignore contentious, the Whole idea of " If you are offended by my actions and attitude, then it is YOUR PROBLEM and not mine." has long bothered me and increasingly caused my stomach to turn.
I know that the politics of confrontation, never ending war and UNRELENTING demandingness as in " What Do We WANT - FILL IN THE BLANK- When Do We WANT IT - N!!!!!! O!!!!!! W!!!!!!" is pathetic and unworthy of being promulgated and being supported and maintain. This is the blight left to us by The Late Saul Alinsky and His Tome Of Hatred and Eternal DISCONTENT - Rules for Radicals.
I would love to have our ELECTED leaders state and persistently stay on point with the following unswerving message , " Unless you are willing to be polite, civil and appropriate, I will not listen to you and I will refuse to support anything that you are advocating." I would support totally and sacrifice a year of my life to work on The Presidential Campaign of any woman or man willing to take on this stance.
I still believe that empowering INDIVIDUALS to reach their fullest potential should be the heart and soul of our politics and governance here in Our US. Dr. King moved a Nation by saying , " I HAVE A DREAM". He did not utter the words , " We HAVE A DREAM". People do not work well as segments or a fraction of a larger entity , group or cohort!
I am looking SO MUCH forward to 2014. I do believe I will enjoy what is to come during the next 12 months!
- Johnny -
No comments:
Post a Comment