Silly me.

 I  VERY likely sabotaged myself last night!!!. I sometimes am far  too impulsive for my own good. I do not notice the small details as well as I'd like to or need to. I likely lost a white legal pad  because I let it set outside my door after coming home last night.I believe that someone saw it, may have noticed that there were comic books within it and simply walked off with it. Where I am blessed is that there were other items, a pile of them left outside the door likely for well over an hour but only the pad containing some comic books, speech writing notes and some great Toastmaster Leadership within it. disappeared. This ia my best guest seeing that this was the last most likely place that I can trace the legal pad to.There are other possibilities as to where it could be, this includes a meeting that I attended last night and a  Metro Parking Lot where I dropped some items- but- knowing that truth is healing and a disinfectant- that is the most probable reason as to why I do not have it now is that I simply was in such a hurry to get inside that I didn't take 25 extra seconds to bring all that I had with me inside before I closed the door behind me and  began to relax once inside my apartment.

  I've been struggling a lot with a lack of success in my life- feeling lonely, disconnected and not having a lot of " I'm in love with doing that" activities in my life. I'm guilty of seeing my life as an unappealing state of drudgery that I slog through. This is all my perception- but I'm not seeing a whole lot of ways of escape that  I can use to significantly change my life in any short period of time.I am far too busy looking at the limitations of SSI an SSDI and the limitations of where I live and not approving of who I live around and regularly deal with rather than Practicing Acceptance, Being More willing to co-operate with life and looking  for better options.

I am blessed and I need to cope better and breathe more easily, meditate and practice mindfulness more. The good news is that I do do all of these things now, I just need to make all of these more central to my life. I know that I'm not being a good friend to myself- I'm often too busy decrying who I am due to the state of my life.

 So, I will start today by reminding myself of a basic, I 'm not anywhere until I'm fully there. This will keep last night from occurring again and will let me realize that whether I like the circumstance of any one given moment, circumstance or location that if I will look for the best in THAT MOMENT as it and to do my best  to be my best and to get the best out of life as it is at that instance.

- Johnny-