My mother died on Thursday, July 12th, 2001- That was a Thursday. I did not learn about her demise until Sunday Morning, July 15th. I did not know my mother was ill- The last I heard - she was relatively healthy woman for a " woman her age". She was 86 when she passed The last time I'd spoken to her before that was on Christmas Day 1990. It was a conversation that lasted about 1 minute. I said, " Hello, Mom! Merry Christmas" I heard fumbling of a phone---- then a few words, " I don't want to talk to you!" Then, A Click!
In 1989, I'd actually spoke to my father and sister, my youngest sister, on the phone once in a while. My mom was never available to talk to me! My middle sister , Teresa,contacted an illness when she was just 8. My parents, youngest sister and her son took care of her.
While I spoke to my dad and Jean, My mother was never available to speak to me! They would tell me of how difficult she was to deal with That did not surprise me. Yet, I suddenly heard mentions of my mother complaining about being in pain.After a few times of hearing that mentioned I asked, " What is wrong with my mother?" I kept hearing that she was simply complaining! I decided, much too slowly I now realize, to challenge my dad. I told him that I wanted my mother to be admitted to a hospital or I would contact the local police.
Within a VERY short time, My mother was a patient at The Bronx Lebanon Hospital. I went up to visit her. My childhood was very violent as well as very emotionally crippling. My parents were prone to lose control when they resorted to physical discipline. My mom punched, kicked and slapped and would use objects, I was once struck hard-,mid- back, with a broom stick. My mother once hit me in the head with a shoe. My dad threw a heavy magnifying glass at my head and BARELY missed!
My mother married late, she was 36 - in 1954. She became a wife because she was pregnant, She wanted to become a mother and a wife more than anything in the world. She considered my father handsome- He was a Ricky Ricardo type. She believed that she'd "AMERICANIZE" him and believed he was already pretty much that way . She was incorrect! She also imagined what I would be like once I was born- I did not measure up in REAL LIFE- I often paid a ruthlessly high price for that!
She was loud and could be quite mercilessly cruel verbally, She did not like people who were of different races and cultures that she was not thoroughly comfortable with! My dad was a macho, strong and incapable of being faithful man, He was also a long term smoker and drinker. He was a brave man, however, He served in the Merchant Marines from 1942 to 1952 and crossed the Atlantic numerous times during World War 2.
My Father was a stubborn and proud man.He had zero respect for women. He once told me " Only treat the ones who are pretty or sexy well. The rest are useless", I actually cleaned that up a GREAT bit! He also wound up becoming a horrific wife beater as well as a child abuser!
When I visited my mother on that Wednesday in The Bronx, I was reflecting a lot on my background. Before I saw her I asked my mother's doctor what was wrong with her. He told me that she seems to have been suffering from broken ribs for a six month period. I asked the doctor if he thought my mother had sustained those injuries due to a fall. He said "No".
I went into visit my mother. She was very heavily sedated. She referred to me as " Doctor". There was an impulse within me to simply walk out or to say " You never showed me mercy and compassion" Yet, I did neither- I held her hand for a while.
I spoke to neither of my parents before they died.When Jean told me of my mother's passing, she told me that my Father was dying of cancer. I indicated a desire to see my father. He lived with my sister. She kept delaying and denying me permission to see him. He passed on on January 6th, 2002- I learned of his death on
January 8th, 2002!
On Friday July 20th, I rode on a Private Bus from Hendersonville, North Carolina returning to Vienna, Virginia On that bus, I watched the Movie " Pay it Forward" starring Haley Joel Osment, Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt. The story details a boy who has an Alcoholic and tormented Mother. On the First day of 7th Grade, He is given an assignment by his social studies teacher. This is an assignment that he is to work on all school year long. The assigment is as follows - Think of an idea to change our world and then put it into action.
11 year old Trevor, comes up with a plan he calls "Pay It Forward". The idea is to help someone and then that person shows their appreciation for the help by helping someone else. This plan of Trevor's actually winds up blessing his grandmother, his mother, Arlene, his teacher,. Eugene Simonet ,and others. Following the spirit of this winds up leading to Trevor's death, He is stabbed to death helping a friend who is being bullied
Last night , I saw " Pay It Forward" again. It already. as I have noted, has a connection, in my mind. to my mother. The 24th of June would have been his 87th birthday. The movie depicts alcoholism and reckless behavior on the part of Trevor's Mother and Grandmother. The teacher, Mr.Simonet, was beaten by his father and set on fire when he challenged his beating of his mother.
I cried several times. God's Salvation, which entered my life on October 25th, 1972 was an introduction of a type of " Pay It Forward" in my life! I've often thought I was second rate and at best tolerable- but I now see that I've also been a type of Trevor Mc Kinney, wanting better and wanting to figure out how to serve as a catalyst to make this transpire! My Debating, Becoming A Teacher,Writing Bible Studies and Devotions for Children and Youth. I am an idealist who is in love with the possibilities of the future. So, Perhaps, This is, inadvertently living out a type of sequel to The Movie, "Pay It Forward!"!
- Johnny -
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