Today, I had plans for a a splendid day. I knew at 6:30 Am, Those plans had to be scrapped. I woke up in pain and with stomach discomfort. I knew that multiple long bus rides were not an RX to my doing well that day.
So, I had to scrap all of my plans for This Thursdat!! Drat and an ANGRY DARN!!!!, This ws not the dat to need to push athe reset button on! The day was not as good- understatement- as the one I'd designed and had been looking forward to.
I looked at the Fact That I had a nervous breakdown in 2003- That I was once homless. That I'm reliant on a very ill-fitting ,for me, County Mental Health program. I berated myself for living on SSI and SSDI. I would love , today, as I type this to walk away from me mostly subsidized Pathway Apartment I wish I could make a commitment to boycott Metro totally - and get around only by walking and provided rides.
This would frre me from dealing with many hard- to- cope with folks that I deal with because I am foist among them, not because I have any desire to be with, around, associated with and IN ANY WAY connected to!
I'm much better physically but the hard rain outside is doing liitle for me. If it has to rain, I want to see a mountain or a gorgeous beach being raioned upon not a gritty parking lot in a not wonderfully sought after boundry area of Fairfax County and Alexandria. The area is called Lincolnis- I think the 16th President would win a slander suit for associating his magnificence with this non descript piece of inner suburb!
What do I want? To be able to live boldly. To haqve living parents worthy of homoring rather than me deceased abuses, To be dating a splendid person who takes my breath way or married to such a person. To have more splendid and uplifting spontanaeity characterize my daily living. To Have pthreapist committed to my most rapid sucess. I'd love to engage A TEAM OF MENTORS READING ME SOON to take on a satisfying, good paying position keyed to y personality, character, abilities and desires.
I keep thinking that A mountain college town like Frostburg , Maryland or a quaint Southerns or western College near the montains, beaches or the Ocean would be spirit-vivifying for me. I feel I'm dying and shriveling for the very lack of such!
People say that I'm creative, clever, caring and endearing. I''m told that I'm brght/ brilliant. that my creativity and curiosity are a turn on. I'm told people lovew my storytelling! That my teaching abilities and my speech making abilities are nearly magical. I've been accuised of having intuition at a level of a super power and that I can be considered phrophetic.
Today, I wish God would eith remove all of this from me or have my live in a way that merits being this gifted and talented.
People say that I am a blessing, a gift and a gem! So, Why do I see myself as quite and totally the opposite of all of this!
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