We are on guard with our enemies. We hold those who we know do not think much of us on a short leash and we are quick to call them on their words and actions- to tell them boldly what we will accept and what we will not accept!
Yet, We all know of the domestic abuse that is too often visited upon people in intimate and committed relationships. I'm starting to wonder if there isn't an equivalent that occurs within friendships. Do friends presume that other friends will put up with ANYTHING they choose to dish out to them because, after all, what other choices do they have, where else can he or she do?
People are in friendships where the relationship is not on an even plain! Some people are very good at befriending people who have less resources and live far more limited lives than they do! Some people, I cannot deny, really extend themselves for their friends and truly are just about "saintly: in what they do to support their friend! They may go to lengths to help their friends that others would find "extraordinary", that would cause others to say "I'd NEVER go that far to help anyone that I'm not married to or is a family member."
ON this Thanksgiving Week, Such people should be thanked often for being so willing to give to another! Having typed this, however, If this same amazing person treats that friend rudely, at times. if they say condescending things to that man or woman, Does that make their comments and attitudes acceptable. doesn't that reduce the other person to a semi-property status? Does that mean we develop a status of " If you accept the support/ help,. You accept ANY WAY!!! that you are treated" ? Not if we do value person hood and individuality. Some of the most dependent people in the US look askance at receiving help from any one else but the government because they do not wish to be given an attitude along with the help! I do think that such people are likely to need to develop more humility and gratitude. However, I also am of the opinion that you help people best with a relationship and an attitude that is perceived to be punitive and judgemental is likely to prevent any relationship from starting!
I do get a lot of help from a friend very much like the person I described above. She has truly crushed my self-esteem and humiliated me at times. I've spoken up against it , at times. and I've suffered in silence at many other times. The Fault in this lies actually not in my friend or in my stars but within me. When you limit your contacts with people, You find yourself MORE likely to be abused- actually you are in a status of volunteering to be abused!
So, I know that I MUST become more independent, more willing to drop my guard and connect better with others and , while I hate typing this, more willing to simply do without! These lessons have become very clear to me within the last few months. My friend is not right to lash me with harsh words and corrosive attitudes! I
need to put myself into a position and allow myself to live in a way that will not allow myself to find such treatment to be accepted!
- Johnny -
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